


Not in this life

by Temaridono



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Mike Zacharias - Freeform, Nanaba - Freeform, Reincarnation, mikenana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temaridono/pseuds/Temaridono
Summary: She would look for him in every reincarnation and recognize him, because life would be very wicked if their love were this borrowed time they live.
Relationships: Levi/Petra Ral, Nanaba & Mike Zacharias, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Not in this life

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This is my first story in English, which is not my language. So I hope you will excuse my terrible mistakes that I try to correct. I had doubts about the tags and the rating. So I hope I don't offend anyone.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Mike blinks at the annoying morning lightning, which filters through his bedroom window in the south captain's area. The big building is filled with the newest 103 generation of newcomers.

How the morning after an emotionally charged day he feels his body tense and heavy He turns his head to find Nanaba's small features still deeply asleep almost on top of his body, as if she were trying to seek comfort in the contact of their bodies. Reality and memories hit him. The dream was a beautiful soothing. But life goes on, and demands that he face it.

Sometimes he feels it was an eternity, but it’s been five days since Nanaba cornered him after a meeting with Erwin with a terrified look telling him they had to talk. A delay in his period felt like a kick in the stomach, leaving him almost without air. If he was honest with himself, his surprise was derisory. They’ve been together for more than a decade now, at first as a game, and soon after they didn’t imagine spending a day with someone other than her.  
"Let's go to Hange", are the first words out of his mouth. He puts his hand on the back of her neck and kisses her on the forehead, trying to calm their anxiety.  
They know that going with her is not the best option, she specializes in, well... Titans, not people. But they also know that there's something illegitimate about this, not in their relationship, but in a possible pregnancy. The top brass doesn't care what happens to the recruits; but having two of their oldest captains retire for a child on the way could really be problematic. Both have set out to support Erwin in all of this undermined path.

There is an unspoken agreement between them about what happens if the test is positive. Just saying it out loud would make it more real than it already is.

Hange receives them, unable to hide her concern and she fires all her assistants, including Moblit. She listens to Nanaba's words between cuts and tears as she counts the days of her period. Hange looks Mike, who has not taken his hand off his girlfriend's lower back. A mixture of anger and anxiety. He knows they failed at something, but ending up in this was never their intention. Birth control methods are not the safest. He assumes that there has never been a couple in the squad that has lasted so many years alive to question the methods of care.  
-Undress from the waist down and lie down- Hange asks with an attempted smile. Her voice sounds tired, far from the eccentric and energetic person she usually is.  
She is incredibly professional, but Nanaba squirms at the touch and grabs Mike's arm tightly.  
-If you're pregnant, maybe it's too soon for me to feel anything- she tells them after coming out from between the blonde's legs.  
The room is plagued by an uncomfortable, heavy silence as Nanaba puts on her clothes and stretches out her arm for Hange.  
She doesn't want to intrude but knows that she will be the one who will have to do the procedure in the worst case.  
-You need to tell Erwin- she tries to make her recommendation sound not like following a protocol (which really exists), but as advice to a close friend. They've all known each other for too long, they've been through a lot together. -Ideally you shouldn't train or carry any weight.  
-Hange- Mike looks at the little blonde who has regained her proud and assertive stance- I don't plan on staying with him.  
And yes, as Mike suspected, saying it out loud makes it more real. But there's really no other option, they don't have one.  
-I know-- Hange's voice sounds comforting and empathetic. She knew why they came with her and didn't go to the soldiers' doctor- But you could have a hemorrhage and we don't want that to happen. In 3 days I'll have the result.

The couple leave the underground with the promise that Hange will look for them as soon as he has the results.

When night falls he finds her submerged in his bathtub. He settles down next to her on a wooden bench. He strokes her short hair, which is moistened by the steam, and she lean complacently on his touch.  
-Are you upset? -his tone of you is so low that if he were not so close he would doubt he could hear her.  
-I don't see why- his answer is honest. This situation is not wanted by anyone.  
She separates from her touch by getting out of the water, he takes a clean, fluffy towel and wraps it around her, bringing it close to his chest. She takes refuge in his arms, listening to his heartbeat.  
-I will not bring a life into this cruel world-she whispers against his chest.  
Mike understands, he shares the feeling. His hands travel down her back creating a relaxing sensation.  
This goes beyond their work, beyond Nanaba's refusal to leave the Legion during her pregnancy, or the impossibility of being together for so long. Beyond the repercussions, he knows that putting Erwin on is a crude excuse. He would be happy with a little nephew from his older friends. And even not having either of their families in the villages gives him a foundation. Their Commander would do anything for them to stay together and raise the child.  
-Not in this life - he whispers against the crown of his head. For the first time in the day, he gives himself permission to feel sadness as he hugs Nanaba tighter to calm the sighs coming out of her little body.

Those three days are an eternity. They both try not to lose their heads and go about their daily lives.  
Of course, it's not long before Erwin calls them demanding to know what's going on with them. They both give in to their "superior's" request, so it's easier to talk about what they don't want but need. Like Hange, he knows what will happen. It goes without saying.  
-I'm sorry it happens under these circumstances -Erwin says by staring at them.

It feels like a nightmare when Hange confirms what they both feared. She leaves the lab, leaving the couple alone.  
Mike's head is buried in the hollow of Nanaba's shoulder and neck. He leaves a soft kiss in the area and she wraps both arms around his neck.  
-Are we going to do this? -She whispers in his ear.  
-We have no other choice - he puts his deepest thoughts into words -Not in this life - this last sentence he says looking into her eyes.  
Mike might feel betrayed in other circumstances, but in this one he appreciates Petra's presence with Hange to do the procedure. The surprise that this young woman is married to the annoying shit of Levi has never disappeared from him, she looks so sweet and so innocent that he finds it hard to believe in that couple. Yet he knows her ferocity on the battlefield.  
Levi knows about the situation and has not commented on it, neither does his subordinate. He feels a gratitude in the depths of his heart.  
Just like a few days ago Nanaba settles down by opening her legs for Hange. His friend is strictly professional in inspecting and initiating the procedure.  
-I promise it won't hurt much, we're in time for this not to be dangerous- says the scientist with a strangely loving voice to which none is accustomed.  
Mike can't deny the despair he feels at seeing the sore face of the woman he loves and being powerless to do anything about it. He is relieved when Hange finishes and Nanaba raises her blue eyes, clouded with tears, to look at him. She is safe and sound. He feels he has more than he ever dreamed of.  
Hange gives her directions for antibiotics and medicinal herbs while Petra sweetly and patiently helps Nanaba to put on her civilian clothes.  
He carries his little girlfriend despite her complaints that she can walk. Before leaving the door, she stretches out her arms to hold the hands of the two women who have been there for her. She murmurs a thank you, a few tears escape Petra as Hange smiles, a little wider and more honestly today than four days ago.  
As he walks through the empty corridors to his room, with her head against his chest, he feels that he can never do enough for Hange to thank her for all she has done for Nanaba. He thinks he should not be surprised by her unconditionality. He still remembers when he met her (a few days after Edwin), always as particular as today, but the things she has seen have not stolen her kindness and good character. Perhaps this life is too ephemeral for him to thank her properly. Even for him to see humanity free of Titans, to go out riding with Mursa (his mare) outside the walls without their lives being in danger; to see his children grow up and grow old next to Nanaba. These are pleasures far removed from their reality. He is sure that life has not prepared that for him.  
But when he places the little blonde girl in his arms on the bed they both share, and she gently kisses his cheek, he feels like the luckiest human being. He feels complete when he lies down next to her and surrounds her with both arms.

Erwin has given Nanaba seven days away from training, she can only supervise the recruits on the fourth day. And he has been released from his duties today. So when he wakes up and sees his body next to his, with both arms, he places it on top of him, burying his face in his short hair. She smells of chamomile, soap and safety. Her scent is always intoxicating him, but it is so familiar at this point that it makes him smile. He sees the shadow of a blue sky when she flickers softly.  
"I woke you up," he mutters with guilt. She gives him a morning smile and kisses his chest. She mumbles words assuring him that she is well, and refers to everything. Both allow themselves to enjoy the morning intertwined, relishing the feeling of each other’s skin against theirs. They are too many years together for the reality they live, they know each other perfectly both physically and emotionally.

They spend the morning dozing off, kissing, caressing and talking about trivial topics. There’s no point in talking about what happened yesterday. Nanaba is the first to break the silence by leaning on his elbows and looking at him. Her wavy hair falls on her eyes, Mike passes his fingers in a little futile attempt to comb them.  
-Do you believe in reincarnation? - Their gazes meet and he feels his chest warm every time he remembers that he has a piece of heaven in the eyes of the woman he loves. This question has been asked before, many years ago. At that moment, he laughed out loud and kissed her. He did not believe in such things. Life was that, what they had at the time. Maybe souls would know peace, a paradise, or some of that shit. But have a life again? Being children, teenagers, growing and aging again? It was crazy.  
He looks at her as she explains what it would be like to live in a world without titans, a wooden house in a quiet village, to ride free and run barefoot. That she would look for him in every reincarnation and recognize him, because life would be very wicked if their love were this borrowed time they live. That in other lives they would have quiet jobs, that they would go home safe, make love without feeling like a damn good-bye and watch their children grow up.

Mike hates himself because when she talks, he imagines it and he fucking wants it to be real.  
Mike doesn’t think differently than he did a couple of years ago about reincarnation, but since yesterday he’s been begging whatever’s on their minds for Nanaba to be right. He only knows that he loves her, and that he will also love her if there are other lives. He only hopes that those lives will allow them to be free and to have hope. Because this life isn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I love this couple very much. Although they did not have development, their deaths really marked me the first time I saw it, I think that's where this came from. Even though Rivetra tried to do something and it didn't work, I needed to mention them.  
> Stay safe.


End file.
